David Church


With a name like David Church, why not set your aspirations high? That's exactly what David has done as he begins his campaign for pope. I know, I know, you can’t campaign for pope, but don’t tell that to David. According to him, God came to him in a vision, revealing his destiny: that he will become pope and make the world a better place. Immediately dropping out of college following this epiphany, David travels the United States, speaking to whoever will listen and follow him in the “Church Charge to Change the Church.” Unfortunately, his past as a political science major has influenced his campaign tactics, as his speeches contain mostly rhetoric, campaign slogans, unrealistic promises, and mudslinging. Regardless, David is a great example of someone who vividly visualizes his goals, lives his life with a purpose and passion, takes big risks, and, on the downside, exemplifies the “blame first” mantra of modern politics.

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